GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France , gently aging; but still warm and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia , lost some wars, won some great battles but haunted by past mistakes, still very strong and proud.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia , very wide and borders are now largely un-patrolled.

After 70, she becomes Tibet .. Off the beaten path, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages... Still desirable but only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual
knowledge and true love dare visit there.

GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 78, a man is like Iran , ruled by a dick.

Joke

Little John came into the kitchen and told his mom, "Mom, i want a bike for my birthday".
Mom said, "John, go to your room and think about how you behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday". John sat down to write a letter to God.

Letter No.1 : Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and i would like a bike for my birthday, and i want a Red one, Your friend, John.

John knew he had not been a good boy that year, so he tore up that letter and started a new one.

Letter No.2 : Dear God, I have been an "OK" boy this year. I still would like a bike for my birthday.

He knew that was not true either, so he tore up that one and started another.

Letter No.3 : Dear God, I know i have not been a good boy this year. But i promise i will be a good boy if you give me a bike for my birthday.
He knew he can never be a good boy and that letter wont get him a bike. So, he tore up that one too.

He went out of the house, walked down the street to the church and went up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was watching him. He bend down and picked up the statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under his shirt, ran out of the church, down the street, into his house and up to his room. He began a new letter to God :

Dear God, I HAVE GOT YOUR MOM. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME A RED BIKE. Signed, YOU KNOW WHO!

فرهنگ واژگان جواتی

from iranian.com

World Leaders

This is really cool:

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/9576,features,world-leaders-episode-1

These are episodes based on the current heads of the states who are/have been visible in the show going on.

Ahmadinejad in Making

SMS Jokes

همیشه پشت سر هر مرد موفق ، زنی هست که نتوانسته جلوی موفقیتش را بگیرد


اصفهانیه با زیر پیراهنی میره تو برف ، ازش می پرسن:چرا لختی ، میگه: دوتا پنی سیلین دارم که تاریخش داره تمام میشه

مباني کامپيوتر: آن بخش از يك سيستم را كه ميتوان با چكش خرد كرد، سختافزار و آن قسمت را كه فقط ميتوان به آن فحش داد، نرمافزار ميگويند!!

به غضنفر ميگن چراگوشات قرمزه ؟ميگه اخه چش خورده/بهش ميكن كي اخه تو رو چش ميزنه.ميگه اون چش نه؟چش شلوار خورده

سه تا پیر زن می خوان واسه خودشون شوهر پیدا کنن آگهي می دن با یکی ازدواج کنید 2تا جایزه بگیرید


در پی اختلاف نظر علما در مورد اینکه شب چهارشنبه سوری 22 است یا 29. روز 22 اسفند یوم الشک و از 22 تا 29 اسفند هفته ی وحشت اعلام شد

3 نفر ميميرن . خدا گفت اولي بره بهشت . دومي بره جهنم . سومي بره طويله !!! پرسيدن چرا ؟ خدا گفت :اولي زن داشت دنيا براش جهنم بود . دومي مجرد بود ، دنيا براش بهشت بود . سومي زنش مرد ولي خاک بر سر بعدش رفت يه زن ديگه گرفت

shekspear mige: ya be andazeye arezoohatoon talash konid ya be andazeye talashetoon arezoo konid. tarjomeye torki: agar nemitooni goh bokhori, goh mikhori goh bokhori.

آخرين کلمات يک ديوانه: من يه پرنده‌ام،
آخرين کلمات يک غواص: نه اين طرفها کوسه وجود نداره،
آخرين کلمات يک خبرنگار: بله، سيل داره به طرفمون مياد،
آخرين کلمات يک شکارچي: مامانت کجاست کوچولو؟،
آخرين کلمات يک جهانگرد در آمازون: اين نوع مار رو ميشناسم، سمي نيست،
آخرين کلمات يک متخصص آزمايشگاه: اين آزمايش کاملاً بي خطره،
آخرين کلمات يک نارنجک‌انداز : گفتي تا چند بشمرم؟،
آخرين کلمات يک متخصص خنثي کردن بمب : اين سيم آخري رو که قط كن

جملات رمانتيک ويژه پيچوندن :
- آرزوي من خوشبختي توست، با من باشي يا نباشي فرقي نميکنه!!
- خودم هم نمي دونم چيکار ميخوام بکنم.نميخوام تو به آتيش من بسوزي!!!
- تو هم خوشگلي،هم باهوشي،هم زرنگي.. .آدمهايي خيلي بهتر از من گيرت مياد!!
- ما مدلهاي ذهنيمون با هم فرق ميکنه!! هيچ پروسيجري براي تلفيق اين دو مدل نداريم!!
- تاکيد مداوم بر برخي جملات شريعتي:"اگر عشق دوام يابد،به ابتذال ميکشد

گونه جوادها را بشناسيم؟ ?) تفريح رفتن با وانت رو خيلي مي پسندن ?) شلوار پارچه اي رو با کتوني مپوشن ?) پشت مو حتما مي ذارن ?) عاشق رنگ قرمز پر رنگ هستن ?) تو کافي شاپ آب دوغ خيار سفا رش ميدن ?) خوانندگان مورد علاقه شان جواد يساري . عباس قادري وداوود بهبودي ?) با موبايل روشن ميرن تو کتاب خونه ?) لباس كاموايي رو ميذارن تو شلوارشون

رشتي با احساس از زنش ميپرسه شب عروسيمون يادت مياد زن:آره, چقدر جات خالي بود

اگر یه نقطه آبی روی دیوار دیدی، بدون یه مورچه است که شلوار لی پوشیده! اگر یه نقطه قرمز روی دیوار دیدی، بدون یه مورچه است که ماتیک زده! اگر یه نقطه سبز روی دیوار دیدی، بدون گشت ارشااد مورچه هاست که اومده هردوشون رو بگیره

Iranian Opposition is so intellectual !

Drink Personality

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:


PART A: WOMEN - DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink.


Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!


Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.


PART B: MEN - DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum --
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay!!!

All Men Are Pigs ;)

Many Wives

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded.

His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

"How do you know that?"

"Easy," the little boy said.

"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

Quots of the Week

گلواژه هاي هفته

سردار رادان: «قرار گرفتن چکمه بر روي شلوار به دلیل نشان دادن بخشی از برجستگی بدن از مصادیق شرع است و تبرج به حساب میآید.»

جوادي آملی: «دانشمندان فیزیک، شیمی، بارانشناسی و زمین شناسی بدون پسوند اسلامی نفهمند.»

شکوفه گلخو، رییس دانشگاه الزهرا: «بدحجابیزنان موجب فعال شدن غده هیپوفیز مردان در تولیدمثل می‌شود .»

امام جمعه شیراز: «گرانی خانهباعث شد جوان پاک ما به جاي مسکن، دوست دختر و دوست پسر بگیرند .»

حسنی، امام جمعه ارومیه: «اگر فرد مشرکی را وقتی فهمیدید که واقعاً مشرک شده، بایداو را بسوزانیم؛ اگر با گلوله هم بود اشکالی ندارد.»

قرائتی: «ما آخوندها همیشه مثل گاز اشکاور عمل می‌کنیم؛ فقط بلدیم گریه مردم را درآوریم .»

احمدي نژاد: «ما یک کشور آزاد هستیم .»

سید حسین مرعشی : «احمدی‌نژاد فقط معجزهءهزارهء سوم ، که معجزه هزاره چهارم هم هست .»

امام جمعه تبریز: «علت زلزله اخیر تبریز، اظهارات اعلمی نماینده تبریز در مورد سیدالشهدا بود.»

آیت‌الله خزعلی: «حجاب موجب بالا رفتن معدل دانشجویان می‌شود .»

Hidden Camera

We Have All the Answers:

... and the latest is "how to battle AIDS". According to this Shiite cleric, temporary marriage is the only way to so so.

Islamic Fashion Statement:

Ahmadi Nejad Is Imam Zaman:

... I knew he's for real!!

Makhmoud Akhmadinejad

بچه‌دار شدن

15 Years Ago, I Teased my Neighbour and Got a Rash...

... can I marry her now? Honey!?!!

Flying Cat

I laughed at this so much.

Good Luck Mr Robinson

We all remember the astronaut's famous words; A small step for man...

Somewhat later, on his first moonwalk Neal Armstrong stated: 'Good luck, Mr. Robinson.' without any further comment.
Later, NASA analysis of all speech came around to this comment and asked the astronaut what he meant in this statement. 'Sorry, personal' was Mr. Armstrong's reply. For more than 20 years no one could make him reveal the significance of these few words, until he was asked by a local show host at a charity show.

'Well' Mr. Armstrong says 'They're both dead now and it can't do them any harm now.'

So he begins telling the host:
'At the age of 10, playing baseball, one of us hit the ball right up in front of our neighbours, Mr. & Mrs. Robinson's bedroom window. As I go to pick up the ball, I hear loud voices inside. A woman's voice cries out; ' You want oral sex Alfred !!?? I'll give you oral sex the day the kid next door walks on the moon!!! '